Pure Food And Wine - Raw Cuisine

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Name: Pure Food And Wine
Location: 54 Irving Place and 17th, NYC
Price: $302 for 4
Server: Courtney
Cuisine: Raw Food/Vegan
Chef:Who Knows Really - but the PROPRIETOR is: Sarma Melngailis & Matthew Kenney

Pure Food and Wine is a Raw Food Vegan Restaurant in the Union Square area of Manhattan. When you first enter the restaurant, an amazon hostess tall enough to play professional basketball greets you and takes your coats. She gives you a ticket just like a fancy schmancy nice restaurant. Our party of 4 got seated right away and presented with the menu's.

The colors in the dining room are nice. Harlot red and dark wood, but the tables are all really close together. Since Myste doesn't shower much, we felt bad for the true vegetarians who had to breathe her meat sweat in. The lighting is low and sexy, but the music sounded like chanting in the background. Evidently it was a mix of New Order, White Stripes and Hendrix - but it was so crappy sounding you couldn't make it out. There's a series of duck paintings on the wall that seem to mock your inability to have any meat, but do look pretty cool.

The napkins on all 4 place settings were practically country kitchen table cloths. They can double as a blanket should you get cold. Seriously. One is enough for 4.

The crowd is just not cute. No getting around it, these are not your supermodels, but then neither are we. To quote our friend Charles "so buckled they can hold my pants up." Or another Charles quote "money is no cover for a good face." He's even saltier (and perpetually single) than we are. (this is Charles)

















And this is a guest, notice Myste pointing at our subject here:


We thought the crowd was dressed well and upwardly mobile. Maybe even transplants from LA. They most likely all went to liberal arts colleges and read blogs (hopefully not this one). They're probably buzz hunters in search of the newest Eco-friendly swanky restaurant around. They found it, they were nice enough to let us in too.

The wine list has a guide on it for the non-consciously aligned wine buyer. You have O for Organic, S for Sustainable Farm Practices, B for Biodynamic (big word, no translation), V for Vegan (no shit). The wine list was admittedly pretty crappy, even without said guide. Their choices are probably limited, but come on. We ordered a Yamhill Pinot Noir for the first course. It was raisiny and light bodied, but pretty good. Our server paused mid wine service to hold the bottle aloft above Myste's head while she yammered at another table. Pretty cool.

Between the 4 of us, we ordered Sushi rolls with asparagus and some other stuff in it. The star of the night was a pear salad with a cashew nut cheese that knocked us out. Just order at least 2 of those and no one will fight. We also had the mushroom croquette thingys. They were tangy and stringy and texturally strange, but good. Final appetizer was the thai lettuce wrap with tamarind sauce. We need spice, and there weren't none. They were otherwise ok.

The service really was great. They were on top of their Mis En Place (that's fancy for get me my silverware bitch). The water was always full, and they wiped our tables in between courses. They employ the fancy fold napkin whilst you're peeing technique as well.

Courtney patiently re-answered all our ignorant menu questions. She knew her shit.

With our second course, we had a bottle of Donorara (or sumthin like that) Malbec. Fresh glasses and uninterrupted wine service. We ordered the Stuffed Red Pepper, Chilli Lime Tortilla Wraps, a Smoked Portobello Something, and the Zucchini Lasagne, which was a freaking disaster - more on the Lasagne later.

The Red Pepper was awesome. Again, that cashew nut cheese is a miracle. We loved it. It was beautifully plated (see our blurry photo) and very well balanced in flavor.

The Chilli Lime Tortilla Wraps made Charles more happy than the crowd did, but we thought they were gooey guacamole fests. The Smoked Portobello Thingy was delicious and savory. Smoking a portobello is genius. Seriously. Finally, the Zucchini Lasagne. Wow. Just wow. This thing was fucking horrid. It was purdy, and clearly took a long time to prepare. Pesto, fresh sliced and layered zucchini and tomatoes with that cashew cheese. That's all good on paper. But it was also SOAKED in this tomato paste that tasted like a sugar bowl was dropped into it. No savory, no texture, just blah.

For desert we had the Ice Cream Sundae with 4 spoons. This was a party in your mouth. Coconut/Cashew and Cherry goodness. MMMMM No espresso to lube you up though. Only $5 teas. Get real. Witness how much was left over:

















Bottom line: We had a great time. The food is mostly good, and actually filling. The wine list needs some help, but bring good company and maybe your own wine (or get trashed earlier than your reservation somewhere else) and it's a great night out. A grown up restaurant with a future forward menu. So hot this year.

Angelica Kitchen - Vegan Restaurant

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Name: Angelica Kitchen
Location: 300 E. 12th St. - cross St. 2nd Ave.
Price: $30 for 2
Server: bad shoe guy
Chef: Peter Burley
Style: Vegan

Angelica Kitchen has been serving hippies for over 25 years. That's pretty good for a culture that eventually drops smoking weed and often re-introduces meat into their diets after they turn 30. Being the equal opportunist hungry bitches that we are, we don't shy away from vegan food. Every now and then, if you just don't want a colonic, have some vegetables instead. It's working for us.

Anyway, Angelica's looks like a ski lodge, with hooks on the walls for your coats, cafeteria tables and warm yellow and gold walls. As you might expect of any good hippie rooted establishment, there were fancy tapestry fabrics hanging from the ceilings. Hey, at least there's no incense and everyone eating either has a job or a trust fund to cover the bill. The hostess and all the servers sport some of the ugliest sneakers under one roof you may ever see. Other than that, no apparent dress code.

Besides the aforementioned hippies, the clientele seems to be a coming together spot for trannies, drag queens, yoga princesses and people who are just better and more conscious than you (in other words we were totally at home). It's cozy, it's warm and you just FEEL healthy when you sit there. On a side note, if you are looking for a healthy breeder female who will make a good mom for your offspring, you should become a regular here and learn to use 'sustainable' and 'green' and 'eco-friendly' in casual conversation.

But really, it's the food right?

The food at Angelica's Kitchen is actually fucking good. It's not heavy, it doesn't taste like potting soil like some vegan restaurants. Vegetables are used with abandon, and shock of all shocks -spices actually are too!

We had hot apple cider, which burned the roofs of our mouths it was so hot. But it was delicious and we had to stop ourselves from trying to get to-go cups for refills. I mean there is a limit to even our tackiness. We also had the Wee Dragon Bowl. Along with ancient wisdom, they serve up steamed veggies, beans and rice and the sauce of your choice. Myste had the wheat free cornbread, which - in keeping with vegan tradition, was so thick you could play street hockey with it. However it was, astonishingly, actually moist. How do you do that anyway?

I had their special, which was some kind of Morrocan tagine. It had sweet potatoes, carrots, celery, leeks, cauliflower, tofu, saffron tofu sour cream, rice pilaf, enormous trees of broccoli, and tomato. The broccoli was ridiculous. You need a chainsaw (or at least a knife, which they don't seem to have in the restaurant) to eat it. The flavor was savory, a little bit sweet, perfectly textured and filling. We loved it.

We love that there was no ice in the water, and no asking for refills. The glass never got empty. That's fucking cool. What's not fucking cool is that they are cash only. After 25 years, you can afford 5% visa/mc fee's. Pony Up.

Bottomline: Go there to work off a hangover, to feel better about yourself for not going to the gym, and in general to have a cheap, healthy awesome dinner/lunch. Do not take anyone who you need to impress with your uber trendy nightlife knowledge. Do not go if your dining companions are vegetable intolerant.

Wined Up - Tapas Cuisine

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Name: Wined Up
Location: 913 Broadway - 2nd Floor (above Punch)
Price: $150 for three
Server: it's a mystery
Chef: Chef Corbett (is that a last name or a first name?)
Style: Tapas

What to say about Wined Up? First of all, we hate the name. Second, the business card sucks. It's got Punch Restaurant on the back in 90's raver orange, and the Wined Up side is black with circles and 1200 different font styles on it. Call us stupid but we like simple.

First impression of Wined Up is good. The decor is simple and elegant. High ceilings, big flower arrangements, floating wine display and simple table settings make for a lovely first impression. Then there are the frowning service staff. Oops. Namely the harried and stressed out manager who probably just needs a spa day and a date with the Rabbit (ladies you know which rabbit).

Their wine list is impressive and again, is a more modern list. It's arranged by style and characteristic rather than price or varietal. They have a lot of inexpensive and moderately priced wines, not too many expensive or boutique wines. European and domestic wines are featured, and you can find some really great deals here.

The menu's were well printed, and simple. We ordered a trio of cheeses, a trio of charcuterie's (meat yo), the duck confit, some kind of beet salad thingy, some toasted almonds, and french fries. We LOVED the duck and the meat yo, and the cheese wasn't bad either. The almonds tasted like someone's salty feet had been resting in them for days, and the french fries were crispy but not sinful enough. Healthy fries? Who needs that. Oh, and fries should be served hot, not tepid.

We ordered a french rhone wine whose name escapes us, as has our receipt. The wine was fantastic, and only $50, but they serve their wines in table wine glasses and we would have preferred to see some stem ware. Is it too much to ask for a wine bar?

The table next to us had to demand they bring up some stem ware, but as we are salty enough, we decided to deal with what the default glasses are.

Really, the reason this spot gets a 2 and not a 3 is because of the atmosphere. There wasn't any. It felt cold, aloof and impersonal in there, and wildly boring. You should take corporate people who you dislike to this place, because it fosters an environment where everyone is stiff and restless. The lighting could be taken down a notch, the music up 2 notches, the staff given some "love that joker" smiles, and then maybe you would have a 3 salt shaker place.