Woo Lae Oak, Korean BBQ

Rating:






Name: Woo Lae Oak
Location: 148 Mercer St. (SOHO)
Price: $270 for 5
Server: Ryan
Cuisine: Korean BBQ
Chef: Us

We had made a reservation for 7:30, but weren't seated until about 8:00 pm. While waiting we took note of our usuals: the music was loungy and nice, the interior was swanky and upscale asian influenced, it was warm and pretty and the bar and tender were good.

When they finally seated us, they seated us all the way in the back of the restaurant at one of the larger party tables. Sounds good on paper right? Wrong, it was so LOUD you couldn't hear 7 inches from your face.

After we had been sitting there a good 10 minutes, Ryan the sashaying waiter came hurriedly by and took our order - pretended to listen to our questions, answered nothing and disappeared for another 15 minutes. He then returned with drinks, took our order and we did not see him again for 2 hours. Or rather, we saw him sashaying to other tables with drinks looking extremely busy and overworked - when in fact, his only job is to take the order. Other people deliver food, plates, drinks, etc. Wow.

We got our appetizers promptly. And our first round of drinks stayed on the edge of the table waiting to be cleared Bussers eventually cleared the apps, but no-one cleared the other dishes. We wanted more drinks, where was Ryan? Oh that's right - not at our table. I went to the bar to order and the bartender hand delivered them to our table.

Now at Korean BBQ, the raw meat comes in a box, and you cook it yourself. We ask this: how long does it take to throw meat in a box and drop it off? We waited in between appetizers and the raw meat delivery for an hour. That's fucking ridiculous. Even if it is Christmas.

No one was around to answer questions. The runner and our server both had full frontal lobotomies and couldn't answer even the most basic question: how long should this be cooked? Ok we had ostrich, scallops, sword fish and beef. Ostensibly all of those things have different optimum cooking times yes? We thought so too.

But we didn't get any responses to our questions, so we tried to drink enough sake to kill any bacteria our self-cheffing might create.

Myste successfully drank enough sake for an army, so she's safe. We'll report back this week on the other salty team members.

We'd go into specifics on the food, except nothing was amazing or memorable or even pretty enough to take a photo of.

The food was fresh, but that's about all we can say about it.

Ryan sucks, the runner sucked, the bartender did not suck, and when we left we had to get our own coats from the coat check.

Bottomline: Woo Lae Oak - you suck.

Sweetwater Restaurant, American Bistro

Rating:






Name: Sweetwater Restaurant
Location: 105 N. 6th St. Brooklyn (willieburg)
Price: $140 or 2
Server: Nicole
Cuisine: American Bistro
Chef: who knows? Not TK

The second we salty bitches entered this Argentinian owned bistro, we loved everything about it. A little known fact - yes we do love. Rarely, but it does happen. But back to Sweetwater, the floors are with that same small patterned Afghan lookin' tile pattern that they have at Dressler and several buildings in this are. But Sweetwater takes it one step farther, because they just have mad style. Sweetwater has that tile pattern on the business card AND on the website as well.

Ok back to Sweetwater the restaurant: The ceiling tiles are vintage and painted gold. The booths are dark mahogany, and the interior is dimly lit, with wood, art, and a comfortable easy going staff. The music was rock, not sappy navel gazing singer songwriter bullshwag either, but not rock out with your cock out either. Twas good.

Immediately upon seating hot salty Myste got the owners attention and he sent over two glasses of champagne - Myste says it was for the holiday's, but I don't agree. We fight and we love. See?

Nicole, the sassy red-headed server we plan to go back and visit often - promptly greeted us and brought us menu's. The wine list is small, but well chosen, and extremely well priced. It's a neighborhood joint, and the owners understand that. Nothing is too expensive, although it is a bit expensive if you are used to the hipster thai food spots on Bedford. We ordered a bottle of the Three Graces Pinot Noir from Willamette Valley. We love Oregon dirt. It's better dirt than you have. No seriously...

Then onto the food menu... We love that the specials are hand written and paper-clipped inside the menu. The staff wears their own clothes, and actually (shocking) has their own personalities. They hang by the bar and joke with the owner. (Have we mentioned we love Argentinian men)?

Nicole checked on my tiresome allergy requests and came back with the green light. We ordered Mussels in a tarragon cream sauce, to start with and an arrugula and butternut squash salad with goat cheese, and was perfectly dressed in a sundried tomato vinagrette with toasted pumpkin seeds. It was so delicious that we ate the whole thing before we remembered to photograph it. However the mussels fared better:



The mussels were spectacular. They were light, not too creamy, perfectly seasoned and fresh. We clearly like the sea-pussy, but we like it clean. Theirs is clean. However Nicole was no where to be seen for many momento's and we salty bitches wanted spoons. Broth requires spoons. Eventually we asked yet another charming cute staff member, and spoons were provided.

A note about the staff, everyone is super down to earth, very friendly, and they all clearly like each other a lot. We love to be in an environment like that, but as we are salty, we have to say it can cause some inattentiveness to the customers. However personality and friendliness are WAY more important than timely spoon delivery, and we totally loved Nicole. She was a breath of fresh air, completely friendly, warm and easy on the eyes!

About 2 glasses of champagne and half a bottle of wine later it dawned us that we had no water. We really wanted some, so Nicole accomodated with her own kind of psychic grace. She appeared and offered water right before we could request it. The tap water is served in vintage inspired bottles with little table glasses. So cute, it just adds to the whole 'thang' this place has going on.

For our main course we had an acorn squash stuffed with risotto. It was beautiful, but really totally bland. The risotto badly needed salt, some kind of better cheese, and something - oh we don't know - interesting. Cranberries? The facts: the risotto was pretty much cooked right, and the squash was too, but the presentation completely showed up the taste. Like an LA girlfriend, it was a hot exterior, but a lame ride.


Next we had the pancetta wrapped pork tenderloin with mashed potatoes in a green apple red wine reduction with fresh parsley. It was dry and slightly overcooked, and vaguely smokey flavored, but at least it had flavor. With a proper temperature this dish would have been great.


Another thing we should mention is the crowd. It's really kind of hipster free. In good ole' willieburg that's amazing. I guess all the hipsters were following the rotating PBR $2 special, because they were most assuredly not here. The crowd was laid back, neighborhood people. We dug it. However, if the hipsters were more drink savvy, they'd love this place too because Sweetwater boasts pitchers of vodka lemonade, sangria, mojito's and margarita's. You will see we two salty girls here again...

Just when we thought we were going to leave, the fabulous owner Paublo presented us each with a glass of Malbec. Did we mention we love him? Some random guy walked by and took a picture of us. What have we learned here? Let's recap: Oh yeah, clearly we're salty drunks, but most definitely NOT hot drunks.

We're more like hot messes:


Bottomline: We love Nicole and the staff and Paublo, we love the interiors, the atmosphere and the appetizers. The main courses need some work, but this is the kind of affordable neighborhood vibe we dig. If you're in this neighborhood, and especially if you have a date, come to Sweetwater. You won't regret it.

Jane Restaurant, American Bistro

Rating:





Name: Jane
Location: 100 W. Houston Street (SOHO)
Price: $250 for 3
Server: Julian
Cuisine: American
Chef: Jason Heiselman

Jane is part of a trio of restaurants owned by the Corner Table Restaurant Group. Located in SOHO, we stumbled on this casual spot one drunken afternoon of shopping and decided to review it.

Our reservations were for 5:30 pm, when they opened for dinner. We seem to have a knack for catching restaurants with their pants down. This is no exception. The staff meal, or possibly new menu tasting was going on in the dining room while they were seating for dinner. The lights were up all the way, and their staff was all sitting and chowing. It felt like walking in early to see a hooker, and she's still servicing someone else. Exhibit A:

We were brought to our table by a young hostess who evidently had never heard of a corkage fee. She also evidently didn't feel it necessary to remove the 4th table setting. However, our server Julian promptly detached himself from the carnage in the dining room and came to greet us. They accomodated our corkage request quickly but not cheaply. $25 corkage fee. Julian was pleasant and eager to please, although seems young and slightly inexperienced. Actually, a lot of the staff seems inexperienced, yet eager to please. It's a start.

Julian cleared the extra setting, served our wine, and gave us the specials. But the sugar bowl from lunch with chunks of sugar that had been congealed sitting in it, remained. More about this later...

Although we brought the Melville 2005 Terraces Estate Pinot Noir, we still felt inclined to peruse their wine list. It's a small list and could use some beefing up, however, it is organized by charcteristic and not by varietal or region, which these salty bitches prefer.

Whilst perusing the wine list, my salty mom, who is a designer, stated her distaste for the interiors. However, Myste and myself like the pixelated flower pics and simple bistro interior. The music at Jane is excellent. They play all variety of underground electronic and soul, as well as college pop and eclectic loungy shit you ain't never heard. We dug it. They really need to get their scheduling down however. The lights slowly dimmed as the carnage was cleared from the dining room, approximately 20 minutes after their first seatings for dinner. Downstairs in the banquet area they had a huge trash bag spilled all over the entrance way, which is directly en route to the loo. Yo, get it cleaned first, then open. The hostess stand boasts an impressive array of electronic music devices, but looks like a cord fest. Here's a tip: closet doors.

All external appearances aside, the flower arrangements were beautiful, the table settings were lovely and simple and the atmosphere is great when they finally dim the lights and put their party dress on. We suggest a manager to move the upstarts more quickly into position.

The menu is cleverly designed, with local fresh ingredients, organic if possible and shows a good mix of French and Italian influences in a modern american way. The chef has a creative take on things and we really wanted to order everything. In the interest of our waist lines, and our timeline to see Xanadu, we did not follow the eat everything strategy.

25 minutes later, the busser brought bread, and we were finally ready to order. Julian checked for my allergy requests without delay and we love that. We also love his tattoo of a boombox on his forearm. Hot.

These salty bitches and salty mom shared a Butternut Squash Risotto and the Braised Pork Salad special. The Risotto was off the charts. Creamy yummy perfection, just enough salt, chive, greens, and chunks of butternut squash. We were scraping the bottom of the bowl. But as we are now classy rollerskating theatre bitches, we didn't lick the plate.

Lets have a moment of silence for the Braised Pork. _____ Ok, this dish is just fucking stellar. The pork was so tender and succulent that we sucked it down in a hurry. Seriously, this was the tenderest thing since Tender-roni. Cranberry orange sauce, frisee and mixed greens, braised pork yum, and you have one simple awesome dish. One complaint, more cranberry orange goodness please. We could bathe in this dish.

The presentation of both were simple but pretty. Julian brought the proper share plates and silverware, and had good timing and attentiveness - except for the still remaining sugar bowl - we were the ONLY table with sugar bowl. Were they trying to counter the salt?

45 minutes and 2 appetizers in, they finally lower the lights even more. Now it's sexy time. Here's us getting sexy:


At this point, we have drank a gallon of wine, and we need water. Nobody can be found, finally Julian reappears and asks if we need water. He fills our water and sets the pitcher on the table to take a photo of us 3. The water pitcher stays, but Julian goes. We later see him with another pitcher at other tables. We appreciate that they want to keep us hydrated, but really, you can keep the pitcher.

For dinner, we salty bitches ordered the 2004 Tammarack Cabernet Sauvingnon from Washington. Since liquid diets are not exciting, we also ordered the Sea Bass, The Scallops, and The Pork Chop.


The Sea Bass was in a light tomato broth with tapenade, chive, basil and white beans. Note we were halfway in before it dawned on us to snap a pic: It was beautiful and perfectly cooked. Not dry, not oily, definitely fresh. The presentation was beautiful, with whole cherry tomatoes, which can actually be hot explosions in your mouth, but were not dangerous as we were afraid they might be. It did need a little more salt, or a little more tapenade, but it was delicious.



Next the scallops. We love scallops, even though they look like breast implants before they're implanted. They're yummy. Diver scallops served with tomato based sauce, hominey, bacon, some kind of green, onion, cilantro and just perfect salt and pepper. The dish was southwestern influenced, and Myste and I loved it. Salty mom wasn't sure, but she ate it up anyway. The dish was brothy and Myste asked for a spoon, which she got, but we salty mom and daughter did not. So we had to use our tongues. We salty ladies like our scallops to be Medium Rare, but these were about Medium. They were still fantastic, and if they were just slightly less cooked, would have been stellar.



Finally, the pig.
The pork chop was with butternut squah, root vegetables, apple compote and a marsala wine with honey sauce. The Pork Chop was slightly over-cooked, and not trimmed enough. Lotsa fat still on one side. The compote and the butternut squash and root veggies were Myste's favorite thing about the dish. It was seasonally appropriate, light and perfectly balanced. It could have used less cooking, and more trimming, but we still thought it was divine.




Julian and bussers cleaned the wreckage, and offered desert menu's - and the sugar bowl remains:


Salty Mom and Myste ordered a Banana Bread Pudding with Chocolate Gelato. It was with banana, caramel, chocolate, and was nutmeg goodness. I observed over my espresso as they chowed down. The espresso's were all hot and well made. We switched out the sugar bowl (finally) with a new one that did not have yucky lumps. Salty mom and Myste had their eyes rolling back in their head over this desert. I was jealous, but managed not to stick a fork in their eyes.


Bottomline: The restaurant needs some finessing and some management, but has (to quote New Kids on the Block) all the right stuff. Some better training, time management and hidden staff meals, and a little better attention to temperatures o the food, and we would have given this a 4 shaker review. However, we will definitely come back, and bring friends.

Rating:




Name: Morandi
Location: 7th Ave. and Waverly Pl.
Price: $200 for 2
Server: 1st Chris, then Aldo
Cuisine: Italian
Chef: Jody Williams, self-taught

It should be said that we arrived at this restaurant at that in between time. Our reservations were for 3 pm. However, one of the reasons we selected this location was that they served food all day, and were supposedly a professional and established restaurant.

It was snowing and cold, and we were promptly seated. The interior is very rustic italian, with wood and country print everywhere. It's homey and cozy. The music is instrumental and vaguely gypsy sounding. It all went well together. Our first server, Chris, greeted us promptly and admitted he didn't know much about Italian wines, but happily found the wine captain to answer our questions.

The wine captain needs to consider brushing up on his technique. We told him our budget (under $60) and what we liked (ie: full bodied, low tanins, not too much acidity). The first wine he brought us was fucking swill. Seriously. Not only that, it was highly tannic, very light bodied and heavy in acidity. It couldn't be further from what we'd asked. He could have played it safe and dropped off a Primativo, but no. The second bottle he brought a taste from the bar, which was a better fit, although honestly, not stellar. He then sent Chris, our server over with a bottle. Chris presented the wine, but it was corked. The second bottle was fine. We had the Aglianico 2003 by Ocone.

We put off ordering food for awhile, as we were having a salty business meeting with Stephanie. Chris was patient and followed up periodically.

We wish he would serve at nights, because when the night server came along, everything went down hill in a hurry.

We started to ask about my allergies, but Chris was leaving, and so he introduced us to Aldo the Idiot. He told Aldo at the table about my allergy and our requests. Both disappeared, ostensibly to check on our food, or so we thought.

5 minutes go by. Keep in mind it's nowhere near busy. Finally Aldo the Idiot shows back up and asks "K are you ready to order?" Clearly he has been sniffing glue in the supply closet and not, as requested, checking on allergies. We asked again whether there were any eggs in the dishes we were considering. He paused for all of 2 seconds before replying "uh, nope."
Us: "did you ask the chef?" Aldo the Idiot: "There are no eggs in either of those dishes." Us: "Are you sure, do you mind just checking?"

Aldo the Idiot goes away for another 5 minutes. He goes nowhere near the kitchen, and in fact proceeds to flirt with some of the other girls working there. He then comes back to our table, "Are you ready to order?"

Wow.

We told him we were considering leaving, as we weren't certain of the food. Again he says "There's no egg."

So we order the Raw Beef Carpaccio with the aioli on the side. But it came with no aioli. See the thing is, Myste is not allergic to egg, so she should be able to have the death sauce. Aldo the Idiot appeared before we had tried it and asked "How is it?" Just Wow. Without said death sauce, the dish had fresh arugula, fresh good quality beef and parmesean, but was wildly uninteresting until the busser brought us salt. (We love salt).

After we were already eating the Carpaccio, the busser brought bread and oil and salt. We think this should have been prioritized a little sooner. Just a suggestion.

We asked them to make something not on their In Between Dinner and Lunch Grey Zone menu. To which they accomodated. We ordered clams in a white wine and butter sauce. Aldo the Idiot says this at our table "I'm sure we can do it but it's going to cost more." No shit right? And really, wouldn't it be better to just say "it will cost _____ but we are happy to accomodate your request."

The clams were not truly fresh and several were musky like a hooker in summer season. We were not given spoons to get the broth. But the salt goes a long way, and after adding it to the dish, it was dramatically improved (except the rotten sea-pussy flavor of a few bad clams). The bartender looked over from his perch and realized we were using the clam shells as a spoon, and brought us spoons while Aldo the Idiot tried to harass his fellow female servers (who were setting up the dining room).

Next we ordered an endive, pommegranate, pear and walnut salad. In keeping with the other dishes, it needed salt. Try it out folks, a little will not kill your cholesterol. The endive salad had way too much olive oil and parmesean, and no flavor whatsoever. With ingredients like pear and pommegranate, it's hard to fuck it up so badly, but they managed.

At this point, the dinner menu was available. Red power tie suits were dining all around with new menu's. But we still had the In Between Dinner and Lunch Grey Zone Menu. Aldo the Idiot was visibily irritated when we asked for the dinner menu, as he clearly had designs on us leaving. No such luck.

I ordered a shrimp dish with polenta, tomatoes, and artichokes. Again, all fresh ingredients, well prepared, but in need of salt and pepper. This is cooking 101 people. It's a little obvious the chef is self-taught.

Myste ordered the grilled calamari in lemon and olive oil. It was with calamata olives, lemon, tomato, peppers, onion and was spicey smokey goodness. In this case, not cleaning the grill for a 100 years worked well. The calamari was smokey and perfect, not rubbery. And shock of shocks, it didn't need salt.

Here's where we comment on the aprons. The servers were all wearing these burlap sack aprons that add 10 pounds to the hips. Seriously? Why?

We ordered two cocktails from the bartender. The bartender is a genius. He made the classics classically, and hand delivered them to our table. Don't go for Dinner, but check out the bar, it's homey, cozy and you can get a damn good drink. If you're adventurous, and you don't want an Aldo the Idiot, eat dinner at the bar.

For desert, we asked Aldo the Idiot about eggs in the bitter chocolate and cherries. Me: "is this really just dark chocolate and cherries? Or is there egg in there?" Aldo the Idot: "No egg." Me: "Are you certain, would you mind checking?" Aldo the Idiot: "No eggs." He then ordered the dish for us. What shows up on our table? Pudding with cherries. What is pudding made of? Eggs. We asked the runner "excuse me, what is that?" "Oh, it's pudding with cherries."

Wow.

Aldo the Idiot arrived to 'see how we were doing'. We asked "doesn't this look like pudding to you?" "No, it's the chocolate and cherries." "Well, it looks like pudding to me, would you ask the chef please?"

Remarkably, this time Aldo the Idiot went and asked the chef, then promptly came and took away the dish saying "I"m sorry, there is egg in here, I hope you didn't eat any." Then he asks if we want anything else. From you Aldo? No you've done enough, thanks.

Bottomline: The food needs salt, is reasonably fresh and could be tasty, but they have asshats like Aldo on dinner shifts, and waiters like Chris on days. We think it's dumb. Don't show up during the Grey Zone, bring your own wine, and don't have any special requests or questions, as no one thinks it's important to have a dialog with the chef, or evidently any knowledge of the menu whatsoever.

We would go back for cocktails, but that's about it.

Rating:




Name: West Bank Cafe
Location: 407 W. 42nd and 9th Ave
Price: $75 for 2
Server: Michael
Cuisine: California
Chef: Not on website - is this a fuggin trend?

Periodically we like to punish ourselves by having lunch in Midtown. In keeping with our loathing for business lunches, we found a business lunch spot and descended our swarm of saltiness upon it.

First things first, the interior blows. Light up templates of gaucho style hats on the walls, overly lit, no atmosphere whatsoever, music? The only thing we liked about the space was the refurbished old floors.

They didn't ask for the reservation name, but when we called insisted we needed a reservation. Hmmmm... We were seated with menu's but no wine list. Clearly we don't look old enough to drink. When the wine list was finally procured we were completely and utterly horrified by the graphic design of it. There was good info and descriptions printed, and overall it was a semi-decent list. However, it was hard to read and very ugly to look at.

At this point we'd been sitting for about 10 minutes. No water. No offer of water, but bussers and servers wandering around blindly everywhere. There was one big party and only us in the whole place. Totaly empty.

Finally our Wait-er showed up and introduced himself in a slimey fake voice that made Myste want to scratch his eyes out. Still no offer or question on water. But he took our wine order. Our friend Stephanie arrived, and we all waited another 10 minutes while watching our server wolf down some food, before he came over and took her wine order. When he brought the glass of wine we asked if we were allowed to have any water. He virtually screamed to the busser 2 feet away "CAN YOU GET THESE LADIES SOME WATER PLEASE!!" We think he's gross. And lazy.

Michael of the slimey wait-er voice took our order and went away. Myste and I, lushes that we aspire to be, drank two glasses each of the Sancerre. It was fantastic. But to get a refill we had to practically balance the glasses on the edge of the table. Same with water.

The food, when it arrived, was quite good, and nicely presented. Myste had a nicoise salad. The eggs were whole and separated on the side (good for me, with a tiresome egg allergy). The tuna was sashimi grade and perfectly prepared, the greens fresh and the green beans were also very fresh. My scallop dish was perfect as well, and they accomodated my substitution without issue. If the food weren't so good, this place would have gotten 1 shaker, due to the exceedingly poor service, terrible menu design and awful interiors.

The desert menu was nicely selected and we appreciate an option for fresh berries and whipped cream. So even dieters might get to munch something sweet.

The other saving grace was that we were not charged for our second round of wine. Possibly because they sensed the poor service, but also possibly because he forgot.

We understand that at the end of a shift, people get lazy - however - we like to bring the salt to you, dear reader, with unsparing regularity.

Bottom line: Bring your own water, bring food for the waiter so he doesn't have to hide in back, and take a qualude prior to arrival to ensure greater patience. Ear plugs will be a good thing, if you need water from the busser, to make sure you don't get your eardrums blown by the yelling service staff.

Although the food was totally dialed in, we won't be back.